


One of those days

by LobbyLane



Category: The Producers (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:55:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28762155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LobbyLane/pseuds/LobbyLane
Summary: What if something changes your whole existence? Literally... The Producers (c) Mel Brooks
Relationships: Max Bialystock/Leopold "Leo" Bloom, Roger De Bris/Carmen Ghia
Comments: 8
Kudos: 3





	1. Tech Week

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheProducersHat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheProducersHat/gifts).



If there was one thing everyone working in theatre hated more than anything, it was tech week. It could be indescribably stressful and everyone backstage could feel there was a tension in the air that was beyond normal.

A sticky, heavy wave of electricity which crawled up everyone's back and the tiny voice in the very back of their heads whispering like a choir that this was a powder keg, which only waited to explode whenever the slightest thing would go wrong. Sure, it still was just a rehearsal but the time was short and a lot of the productions outcome depended on it.

People were unusually quiet during this time; while some others were so strained, it took merely the sound of a hairpin dropping to let them snap.

And worst of all, it wasn't different this time either.

Leo hated this week. It felt stressful and always as though the huge burden he was usually carrying around with himself would double its weight.

And even though he loved working with this team; his family; he knew they all felt pretty much the same during this time. They wouldn't complain or say a thing about it, but they also had their ways in displaying transparently how exhausting it was.

Roger would usually be a lot louder than usual. And a lot meant a whole lot. Roger Debris wasn't exactly known to be a quiet, reserved director anyway. But during tech week he would transform into something Leo and Max jokingly called 'Stage-zilla' when they were out of reach and ear sight. He would be more rushing, more excited, more fidgety, more flamboyant … simply more anything. More Roger. And even though they loved him around, Leo knew he could be quite a burden too and this was probably the time he would choose not to be around him. More Roger was hard to bear.

He looked up from the books on his desk, which he had for once pulled into the farthest corner of the dark auditorium only not to be in the field of fire when the inevitable step too far would happen.

Roger was screaming at a group of dancers on stage while waving one arm about and at the same time trying hard to shield his eyes from one spotlight which was still being arranged and shone right into his face… Not a good combination.

Leo turned around looking for the others. He could spot Shirley and Brian somewhere in the back, but they wore their dissatisfaction on their faces, plain and spotless for everyone to see. Leo knew better than to disturb them when they got like that. And it wasn't exactly like they had spoken much with him since this horror of a week had begun.

Same with Scott and Kevin. Scott seemed amazingly calm whenever this happened, but he wouldn't dance through the aisles or make jokes as he usually would. Leo had passed him this morning and he greeted him without a smile, just staring straight ahead wishing him a dry good morning. But if there was one sign he was stressed out as well, it was him using a darkly colored baritone in contrast to his usual high pitched screaming queen voice and this morning had been no exception. Leo had exhaled slowly when he had passed him and had rolled his eyes.

"This is gonna be fun," he had been thinking back then.

Later during a small break he had been backstage to find a little peace from work and maybe laugh about some jokes any of the actors would make, he had found Kevin sitting over a huge pile of costumes being even more emotional than usually. Leo had asked if he was alright and he instantly had started to sob heartbreakingly, which had been a sign for Leo to silently close the door again and leave as quickly as possible.

So, right now Leo wished someone would turn up to spread a little sunshine onto this darkness inside the theatre. But he knew the mood wasn't going to improve much until opening night. Heck, he'd done this a thousand times before and knew none of them meant it. But somehow, secretly, he wished for the small interruptions by either Carmen or Max while he was trying to get some work down. One of the small, meaningless conversations of Carmen. Or the jokes. Or even the little signs of affection Max offered him at work from time to time. Leo had to smirk thinking about it. He'd never dared to think of a day he would crave Max's warm hands on his shoulders.

But turning to the stage again, he saw Carmen standing in the shadows of the scenery, trying hard to take notes of every ineligible thing Roger was screaming into the wilderness.

And Max?

He turned his head a little to the right.

Max was sitting a little apart from him directly in front of the stage while his head was bent and his eyes were fixated on some kind of paper sheet he was holding. Probably yet another change of either the book or any routine. Or another note saying something didn't work as planned at all.

Leo, sighed.

This would mean endless discussions, a bad mood or - and this would be the worst probable outcome- an evening of complete silence.

Max dealt with this differently. Everyone did take this differently for that matter, but Max was somehow special. At least Leo always saw it that way.

Mood swings and a little touch of grumpiness was his second nature, so nothing unusual here. No, what told Leo more than anything he suffered from this too was him coming quiet. Very quiet. Very unusual-for-Max quiet.

Leo had always assumed he was somehow unable to react properly. Or maybe he didn't want to. He couldn't tell. But Max always had had troubles expressing emotions of any kind apart from anger. Maybe because he'd spent years and years trying to appear in a certain way that whenever he felt something overwhelming it was impossible for him to express so; like a barrier of some sort.

And a fact was, Max hadn't spoken much since that morning.

They had left their apartment together and he was as little a morning person as he had always been. But on their way to the theatre in the cab, Leo had tried to navigate their little scraps of conversation into a little lighter direction and Max had looked at him. Simply looked. He hadn't moved but had stared at him - or rather through him- just as though Leo was made of glass. Then the had turned towards his notes again and hadn't spoken ever since. Not with Leo that is.

He'd had a few smaller arguments with Roger this morning, but that was not exactly a piece of art. It was quite easy to get Roger to start screaming by simply asking him how his morning had been lately. Leo sometimes wondered how Carmen dealt with this.

As for him, he felt lost. He hated it when Max acted that way. He'd rather have him say something; scream to leave him alone until after opening night or at least grunt every now and then to underline his bad mood…

But silence…

Weird. Another thing Leo had never thought he'd live to experience: Silence. From Max.

He shivered thinking about it.

But then he heard the treacherous creaking of the wooden chairs they used instead of the comfortable seats of the auditorium. His head shot up. Max was leaning back. Did this mean he calmed down a bit? Or was at least trying to?

Leo observed him a moment but then decided there was no danger coming from Max right now. So he slowly pulled his own chair back and silently got up.

Always careful not to make a sound he tiptoed over to Max's table until he stood right beside him. Max didn't look up.

Leo squatted down besides him.

"How's it going?" He whispered; a slight grin on his face.

"Same old," Max answered as silently but there was clearly a notion of annoyance in his voice. He leaned back and run his hand through his hair. "They're overreacting as always and I swear I'll kill Roger soon!"

Leo grinned.

"You say this each time," He smirked, turning his gaze towards the stage where Roger now yelled at some poor stagehand who had the great unfortune to pass him a little too closely while trying to figure out how to go on unnoticed. "This guy probably wishes he'd be dead right now too!"

"If only Roger would calm down a bit," Max shook his head and then got up.

Leo followed him with his eyes but noticed a bit too late what he was up to.

"Roger, let it be," Max shouted then, causing their director to turn around fuming. "We have different things right now to worry about than someone passing you!"

Roger gasped visibly shocked, but as usual overacted the whole thing a good deal.

"I beg you pardon, Max?" he theatrically revolted. "If this doesn't even happen without anyone noticing, how on earth do you want anything to work in this mess?"

Leo heard Max inhale deeply.

"Max, don't," he managed to say but Max didn't hear him.

"This mess?" Max started, marching towards the stage. "This mess, dear comrade, is caused a good deal thanks to you!"

"What was that?" Roger seemed to grow a good ten inches right there only by straightening up. Usually Leo would instinctively duck down, but somehow he hurried past Max. Maybe he could do something to detain him from something even more harmful.

"You are the one acting up like this each and every time," Max was on stage now, frighteningly close to Roger. Great, when two bigheads meet. "You are the one throwing a tantrum every production. The problems are nothing new and they certainly won't be solved by you screaming at everyone closer to you than a mile!"

"Oh, If I am so unbearable, why even bother with me each time again?" Roger reared up. "And especially why should I take this from someone not even doing his own job properly?"

"If I were you I'd be a lot more cautious right now," Max clearly bit his tongue to not explode as well, but his face turned dangerously red and made Leo fear the worst just seeing it.

"Well, it is true!" Roger waved his arms in the air while his voice grew louder and louder. "It is your damn job to make this work. To coordinate problems so rehearsals can go on without disruption. But you…oh no, you always sit there, not giving a damn about all this. All you care about is the money you're gonna get out of our work here!"

"ROGER!" Leo looked at him pleadingly now too. "DON'T!"

"How dare you?" Max pushed Leo aside and marched closer towards Roger. "You owe your very existence to me! A second-rate director like you would have never gotten one foot into these productions if it hadn't been for me! And you have the gall to say something like this into MY face?"

"Max, please! Stop this you two; right now!" Leo jumped between them and stretched out his arms to keep them away from one another.

"Stay out of this, Leo," Roger screamed, turning his head to him now too. "The very same applies to you! You should worry more about what has to be done than prowling after Max all the time. You're doing this long enough and don't need that much validation anymore!"

"Don't you dare to talk to him like this!" Max yelled back.

And there it was. That one inevitable situation. Leo knew what was about to happen. He wanted to scream. To take both of them on one ear and bang their gigantic heads together just for once so they'd notice how ridiculous they were behaving. And he knew this would continue until after opening night. And everyone else was gonna suffer from them.

But just as he wanted to open his mouth again and say something, he felt someone grabbing his shoulders and pulling him backwards out of that battlefield.

He closed his eyes because he expected to fall by the gruff suddenness of that pull, but it didn't happen. He heard Carmen's voice before he even saw him.

"Are you crazy?" he whispered sincerely. "Never, and I mean NEVER, get between them when they get like this! It'll be your ass next!"

"We can stop this," Leo whirled around to him. "This is the last thing we all need here and you know it!"

But Carmen couldn't answer, even though he opened his mouth already for Roger and Max started to scream at each other even more that very moment and he simply grabbed Leo and tried to pull him away a little more.

"IF I'LL GO IT'LL BE ALL YOUR NECKS," Roger fumed.

"GO AHEAD AND CRY AT HOW FAST WE'LL REPLACE YOU," Max answered.

They were standing chest to chest now when Roger started to gesture in his very exaggerated way. He threw his arms up, causing Max to back away a little but not in the slightest intimidated. He simply ducked away a bit to not get slapped by Roger accidentally.

Unfortunately the guy Roger was screaming at before and who still stood a good way behind him, saw his chance to get away now. He started to move a bit too clumsy though and immediately caught the attention of Carmen and Leo who turned their heads to him.

Being inexperienced with those two personalities in front of him, he didn't know to back away backwards though. So he tried his luck by sneaking past the two wranglers, which turned out to be his biggest mistake.

For one moment of not paying attention and he caught the arm of Roger and got jostled a good deal. He stumbled backwards towards Leo and Carmen, who jumped out of his way in union the very last moment. But unfortunately he lost his balance and fell on one of the stage designers, who struggled to get the set up as quickly as possible.

He didn't notice until it was too late and both of them fell to the earth in a loud crash. Roger and Max didn't notice until someone yelled "Watch out!" through the hall.

By falling down the guy had lost control over a huge part of the backdrop he was holding with some others and which was now crashing down to the stage.

And for once Roger and Max fell silent as they both stared at the huge thing getting closer and closer. They turned pale and for once jumped together aside as fast as they could accomplish.

The backdrop came down in a huge crash, raising a lot of dust and turning the darkness of the stage into a cloud of dirt for a moment.

Max and Roger lay some feet away from the debris, with their arms around each other. They slowly raised their heads, still pale from the shock of this unexpected interruption. Slowly they looked around.

For once the whole theatre was silent.

Everybody stood around in the corners of the stage or the auditorium and stared at them in total shock. And very slowly they stepped closer until almost all of them stood in a huge circle around the pile of rubble.

Max and Roger tried to get to their feet and balance themselves. Their eyes met only shortly and they didn't let go of each other…

Their breaths seemed so loud when their heads turned towards the stage again and their eyes widened.

Max felt his knees going weak right then. His whole body started to shiver and if he thought back on this moment he swore his own heartbeat was the only thing he was able to hear that moment; like a loud thunder hammering through the silence of the hall.

Roger couldn't move. As much as he wanted to, he immediately felt an overwhelming sickness arising inside of him. Everything around him began to spin and he felt glad to have Max next to him to hold on to that very moment.

"Oh God," they heard someone whisper before several people around them seemingly came to their senses again and started to run to the huge pile in front of them in a hurry.

Max and Roger wanted to move. More than anything. They wanted to run. To help. To do anything but their bodies just wouldn't obey them. All they were able to do is stand there and stare at that horrible picture in front of them.

"God, Rog," he heard Scott just seconds before he appeared next to him, putting his arm around him.

But Roger could not react.

Neither did Max.

All they did was staring straight ahead at the horrible silence which crept through the darkness.

People around them were running, screaming; even trying to build chains to put aside the debris and dirt…

But they didn't hear them.

All they knew was this thing….this horrible monstrous thing… crashed down on Leo and Carmen without them having gotten up yet…

~ To be continued ~


	2. Drowning

It became quiet…

After that enormous deafening crash and that shocking ten seconds, which were petrifying, there was nothing.

Funny enough, he'd almost imagined people would go berserk after something like this. Or at least he thought it would cause some movement; the clicking of shoes as they stepped on the debris and tried to move what was possible. Human voices. Screams…Any kind of interaction. But there was nothing apart from that damn silence basically screaming at him.

And darkness…

When he opened his eyes, he couldn't see a thing at first. Then he noticed the dust around himself and then the absence of noise.

He turned his head slightly and could clearly see a small light shining through the board walls and the junk. He tried to close his eyes again. Only for a second to gather his thoughts. But somehow he had his troubles really grasping what had happened.

That backdrop had come down…

He remembered seeing them jump. Seeing the shocked white faces of Max and Roger and then his head had turned. As had Carmen's.

This huge setting crashed down on them and all they had been able to do was throwing their hands up to cover their heads and duck down. And then there was nothing… not a bit.

He inhaled sharply realizing he must still be underneath those remains of what once had been a setting. But it was then he noticed that sting inside his lunges for the first time. It was unusually difficult to breathe in, which was another clue he probably was stuck underneath this probably extremely heavy junk. But it didn't feel heavy at all. Shouldn't he be in pain? Shouldn't he feel something?

He opened his eyes and lifted his head as good as he was able to.

No, nothing. It didn't even feel like something was holding him to the ground. On the contrary, he felt light and pretty normal, apart from this overwhelming tiredness which was responsible for him not panicking right now. He simply could stay where he was and rest a little longer.

As weird as this whole situation was, but maybe this was exactly the little break he had needed. From everything. After all, he could have gotten it much worse. He wasn't injured obviously. He didn't even have a scratch anywhere. And he lay on the ground, with a pretty casual breath and tried to listen to his heart beat. But it was calm as well. There was no reason to worry.

"Leo?"

He turned his head again, hearing the quiet mention of his name somewhere around him.

""Leo? Where are you? Oh God, please answer me!"

He knew that voice.

"Carmen?" his mouth formed, but no sound came out.

So, he tried to stem his right arm to the ground to straighten his body as far as to roll to one side and make crawl a little closer to that exit from which the light shone into his darkness.

He moaned doing this. It turned out to be actually more difficult and exhausting than he had expected. But as soon as he rolled over his shoulder and was able to lift up his upper body, he lifted his head too and tried to answer in the direction of that exit.

"I'm here," he spoke quietly.

"Where?" he heard Carmen again.

"I can see a …a light…Probably one of the lights shining at a smallish entrance…," he answered again. Funny, he didn't even feel excited about the possibility to get out of here soon.

"Oh my God," the light was covered in a shadow and then suddenly, he looked at Carmen's face.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," Leo nodded slightly, feeling curiously grateful to see his friend suddenly.

"Are you hurt?" Carmen asked again.

But Leo shook his head slightly. "I don't think so…"

"Can you stem your back against that plank above you?" he kept on asking. "I can try and lift it from here, but I need a little help."

"I'll try," Leo answered and somehow pulled his other arm towards his body to get it to steady his body, while trying to push his back against this very low ceiling he had been forced to face for a while now.

At first it took him an enormous amount of strength. His body felt as though there was no power in it whatsoever. But then again feeling the cold wood pressing against him was also something which relieved him. At least he felt something now. Which meant he really couldn't have been harmed badly.

Nothing happened. The wood held out and kept on barricading the way for him. He held his breath each time he was trying to make it move a little, but nothing happened.

And for the first time since opening his eyes, he felt oppressed. Being stuck in a way where he wasn't even able to properly turn around wasn't the best situation to be in and finally his brain kicked in; reminding him of the old worries he never could quite shake. He was buried underneath this and though it probably wasn't much, who knew what had happened to him? He could actually have injured himself without noticing. And why on earth wasn't there anyone trying to help?

As he took his first breath in what seemed way too many minutes he noticed how he began to shiver.

"Push a little harder," he heard Carmen's voice again and Leo opened his eyes again.

He was right. He should mainly focus of getting out of there. Right now…

So he gave it his best effort to do as he was told.

And finally he could feel the planks above him starting to move. He could hear Carmen wheezing as he obviously tried to stem it from the other side. So, this made it easier in a way.

When the wood lifted at last, it was though he could spread some imaginary wings. Suddenly all the space in the world unfolded before him, or at least so it seemed.

Carefully he rolled up to stretch his head out of the debris and finally managed to see something.

A hand.

It took him several seconds to grasp it, but then Leo reached for it and felt his body being pulled out of this mess in a gentle way. As soon as he felt his feet touching solid ground again, he bent forwards, stemming his hands on his knees and took several deep breaths.

"Are you alright?" he heard Carmen asking once more.

Leo nodded; out of breath and then looked up.

Carmen stop next to him, watching him with a worried look in his eyes. He didn't look much better than Leo though.

His black suit appeared rather grey from the dust and his anyhow tousled hair looked kind of destroyed right now. But other than that he seemed to be worried only.

"What about you?" Leo asked. "Are you okay?"

Carmen nodded.

"I'm fine," he answered and then turned to look around.

They were still standing in-between this chaos, which spread throughout the whole stage and partly into the audience area.

The theatre was dark and apart from the small ghost light in the corner -which was turned on, funny enough- nothing was to be heard. No People, no chatting, no footsteps, no panic.

"What the heck has happened?" Leo found his voice again as he stepped closer to stand next to his friend.

"I think the backdrops came down on us," Carmen tried to explain. "Couldn't tell why else you would be buried underneath it."

"But…," Leo didn't know how to ask. Or rather where to start. "But we're…"

Carmen looked at him and nodded shortly.

"We're good as far as I see it…," he said then. "But this easily could have ended much worse."

Leo sighed and finally got up, looking around bewildered. Something was strange. There was something he couldn't quite get, but it was quite off.

His eyes slowly wandered around. Crossing the huge mess which as still spread all over the stage and painted everything in a soft grayish tone. Then there were footprints everywhere which kind of gave away people were rising through all this and probably in a hurry. Some props lay spread around on several debris or on the ground, looking like they had been let fall just that moment. Which actually wasn't too surprising thinking everyone around that just jumped for their lives.

But that was exactly his point. Why wasn't anything put away? Why hadn't this mess been cleaned up right now? Why…

"Why are we alone?" Leo asked then.

Carmen's eyes met his and then he also looked around into the dark theatre. Both of them stood silently for several seconds, before letting their shoulders fall.

Maybe they've needed to get people out of here and needed to get out of the woods first," Carmen answered.

"But," Leo lowered his eyes again, trying to remember a bit more from before that initial shock. "Do you think they forgot?"

"Us?"

Leo nodded.

"They fought," Leo tried to recap. "Were they angry at us?"

Carmen looked a bit lost for a moment too, but then shook his head.

"Does that matter?" he asked then, trying to sound convinced.

"You don't know," Leo noticed and then averted his eyes again. And very silently he added: "Me neither…"

"I think I know where you wanna go with this," Carmen spoke then, trying to smirk his uncertainty away. Leo could tell. "They would never be as angry as to forget… I'm sure something must have happened. Maybe someone needed help. Maybe they were dragged out by people panicking. Maybe…anything is possible, Leo. But they would never…forget!"

"Why don't we remember?" Leo asked then./

"I think there's a good chance something like this causes a slight trauma," he answered very softly. "Which can most likely suppress a lot… So maybe, we should go home and have a rest."

"Yeah," Leo listened but knew he was drifting away in his mind again. So he let Carmen lead him off the stage and through the backdoors to leave.

Leo turned his head once more as the heavy metal door fell shut.

No matter what, this felt strange. But he also was certain Carmen was right… And still he was shaking inside…

~**~

They parted somewhere around 45th street, just nodding at each other.

But both of them knew it was likewise a promise, a dialogue and everything inbetween. Leo turned to head towards their apartment on Shubert Alley, while Carmen went for a cab to the Upper East Side.

But still, Leo felt strange.

He watched Carmen leave and raised his hand to wave after him slightly. But when he turned to get inside his building he stopped shortly. His gaze wandered down the street again towards Time Square and then up to the sky.

It was mid January and the heavy gray sky had built huge towers of clouds over the city; almost preventing the light to spread higher than the buildings around.

It had begun to snow when they had left the theatre and the streets were now slowly covering in a powdery white.

What struck him hard that moment was that he stood out there with his coat open and only a plain shirt underneath and he didn't even feel any cold at all. It was so strange what a shock can do to people.

Leo shrugged this thought away though and then slowly climbed up the stairs to the apartment.

On the way he thought about what had happened. Somehow he couldn't let it rest. All of it was so surreal in a way and he began to wonder what said reason could have been for them to leave them there on a dark stage. 

He stopped before opening the door.

The slight glow of a dimmed light shone through the little gap at the threshold of the door.

So Max must be home…

Carefully he opened the office door and stuck his head in to get an overview of the situation.

Max sat on the desk with his head in his hands, looking like he was deeply absorbed in his work. Great. This could mean he was in a very bad mood this evening. Leo shuddered, thinking about the endless discussions which could easily occur now. Maybe it was better to be a little more subservient around him right now.

So, he stepped inside and closed the door as silently was he could accomplish. Max didn't look up.

Leo cleared his throat silently to let him know he was inside, but still no reaction.

He walked up the desk shyly, trying his very best to get a glimpse of what the heck was so important. After all he needed some answers right now.

It seemed he was trying to do something Leo usually would. What was this about? Max never did his books. Like ever…

"Stressful day?" Leo asked, a little perplex. What the hell. If anyone had had a stressful day it was himself. And Max didn't even bother to ask if he was alright. In a way this even made him angry. Everyone was working hard right now… Did he deserve this though?

He moved next to him and looked around. The office looked like it always did. A little messy and all in all the way they've always left it whenever other things were more important at the moment. But it was unusually dark in there. The nightly sky could be seen through the windows and a few lights of the buildings next to them shone through them, but apart from the ancient table lamp, there was no light whatsoever. Leo hadn't even noticed when he entered. Strange. Max was someone who always turned on everything whenever he was home.

"Alright," Leo answered and stomped to the couch instead, letting himself plop into the leather loudly. He felt kind of offended right now. Wasn't he even worth something?

"You know, I would love to know what exactly happened today," Leo started then, trying his very best to contain his anger and sound casual. But as he spied on his partner from the corner of his eyes, he still lay there motionless. "Not that it's important, but you know… Why the hell did you all vanish just like that?"

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

It was then Leo ran out of patience. Who the hell did this jerk think he was?

He got up and stamped his foot once.

"You know what I seriously have had it," he suddenly screamed with all his might. "I never believed you would actually care so little and just leave. So, unless there was a death of someone I really see no reason for you to forget we were still there. And after all stuff like this can happen… A forced evacuation seems pretty unlikely to me. So please, would you be so kind as to tell me what I have done this time to deserve you reacting like this, if you can even call this reacting?"

Max looked up and their eyes met. Leo bid his lips.

He looked incredibly tired. Even more than before and just as though he hadn't slept all night. What the hell was that about?

But then Max shook his head and averted his gaze again. A sad little sigh escaped him as he turned away from Leo, who was focused so much on him, he could have stared a hole right through him. He slowly got up and turned his back on Leo, leaving into one of the other rooms without another sound.

Leo held his breath.

"Fine!" He screamed after him, gesturing wildly. "Be this way… I don't care. Thanks. Now I know how much I am worth in your screwed mind…

Thus he took his jacket and headed for the door again, still fuming inside.

"I'm fine by the way," he screamed one last time. He had his hand on the doorknob already and ready to open it. Maybe there was this small last hope inside, Max would suddenly jump into the room again, scared about Leo leaving. Even though he knew better. Even though everything he had ever learned about Max and his moods told him, whenever his partner got like this, there was nothing he could do. But this time it kind of went too far. And it made him angry in a way he'd never experienced before.

So, he waited several seconds more, but as nothing came, Leo's face turned darker.

"I'll stay with Roger and Carmen," he shouted and turned to move outside. But nothing. "Yeah, I know…not that you'd care…"

He moved out of the office and let the door slam loudly, hoping hard to having disturbed Max's peace in an uncomfortable manner right now.

When he walked down the stairs and out of the building again, he cursed in his head. Max was such an ass sometimes. And even though he knew he never meant it, this one really stung inside. Wasn't this important enough? Would he himself have jumped out of every corner of the world to stay with Max no matter what? This was just indescribable insulting.

He marched on through the snow, meaning to reach 42nd Street and catching a cab there to drive to the Upper East Side. They would at least welcome him with open arms. And he'd probably get every information he wasn't getting out of Max from…

Leo stopped.

He turned his head two or three times. His eyes grew. And all of his anger was forgotten for a second.

Who was he heading to again?

He couldn't remember. Weird. Had his anger been so overwhelming right now that he got this distracted? He usually followed every single thought a million times over.

His head turned up when the lights of the huge ads on Broadway caught his attention. Their upcoming show was on there too. And as funny as it was, seeing it kind of calmed Leo down. It was something to look forward to. Everyone calmed down after the first previews and Max was usually in a lot kinder mood whenever they'd pass this stage.

He read their names on the billboard. Then the title of the show. And then:

'Directed by Roger Debris'

Right… Roger!

He came to his senses again. He was meaning to get to them. After all it was late and cold outside and the snow became thicker every second. No more dawdling around. They wouldn't ask questions or ignore him. It wasn't unusual for him to show up there anyway. It had happened a hundred times before.

So he held up his arm and climbed into the first cab that held close to him.

~**~

Carmen arrived the townhouse when the footway was already covered in a thick carpet of white.

He was deep in thoughts when he stepped on the stairs to the entrance; always careful not to slip. He stopped for a second though, looking up to the huge bay windows of their living room.

He could clearly see Kevin and Scott moving in there, looking exhausted but somehow happy to be home. Which meant the others were probably in there and spread on the couch or the ground, letting the world be what it was. How strangely casual for a day like this.

But then he shrugged it off and climbed the stairs to the front door and got into the house silently.

He usually was greeted by the familiar warmth of the house and Shirley screaming at someone somewhere, but as he hung up his coat and turned around, he didn't feel any difference coming from outside. Deciding not to care, he shrugged it off and made his way through the huge hallway.

"I'm back," he called a little absent-minded still.

He could hear them talking silently in the living room and heard the voices of Shirley and Brian coming from the kitchen. /

Maybe this was the right place to go too. Getting something warm like a tea would surely wash away this strange day in no time.

But why the hell didn't Roger come running to him immediately as he usually did? He wouldn't still be working, would he?

Carmen shook his head in disbelief. This didn't suit him at all. As soon s they called it a day he would usually let things go, cause he was always the one insisting on how important a work-life balance was. Plus, he could hardly imagine Roger brooding over papers or scripts since he usually had known everything off by heart before rehearsals had even begun.

Carmen stopped in front of one of the huge white—framed glass doors in the house, looking around in confusion all of a sudden. He felt like he'd been running a marathon today and had had to climb three houses through the gutter while carrying every single note Roger had written this day and knew perfectly well he was tired… But as he realized he was standing in front of the small storeroom door behind the kitchen he seriously started to wonder just how confused someone could get. He usually would find the way to the kitchen blindfolded.

He jeered disbelievingly.

He must have mixed them up. Something like this hasn't happened since he came here the first time which was many many years ago…

But then he rubbed this poor concentration out of his face quickly and turned to get into the kitchen.

As expected Brian sat there on the huge table while Shirley was busy, cleaning something and cooking water to obviously refill the cups of tea in front of them.

"Hey," He waved as he got inside and pulled a chair closer to him while letting himself fall onto it.

Neither Shirley nor Brian really looked up. Brian was still looking at Shirley who seemed to think about something.

"Did I interrupt you?" Carmen asked but got no answer.

"Now wait a minute," Brian said and Carmen fell silent again.

"Do you think this is gonna be serious?" Brian went on, ignoring Carmen completely.

"I hope not," Shirley answered. "It would be tragic if nothing happens. But well, who would have expected this? I certainly didn't."

"Let's hope not," Brian turned to stare into his cup gloomily. "He would never cope…"

"Don't say this," Shirley turned now too. And much to Carmen's surprise she looked thoroughly worried too. An expression he had never seen on her before.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. "Something happened?"

They didn't answer.

"Oh, come on," he pouted. "Don't let me in the rain with this. What did I miss?"

"But it was then he heard the door bell and his head turned.

It rang a second time.

They listened and no one said anything. But after several minutes, Carmen wondered why they wouldn't answer the door. Usually someone close would jump for it if he wasn't around. But neither Brian nor Shirley moved, but only shook their heads, looking down. And as far as he could tell Kevin and Scott didn't move out of the living room either.

So, a bit irritated, he got up again; stemming his arms to the table and pressed himself up.

"Oh, allow me as this is probably my function here," he snapped and left the kitchen steaming inside a little. Of course, why would anyone move when he was around. They were way to used to him doing stuff like this. He made a mental note to change this behavior once he rested properly.

He marched through the hallway again towards the front door.

He grabbed the doorknob and pulled a little too violently as the door almost crashed into umbrella stand next to it. The clicking of that thing still fighting gravity kind of got him back to earth though. Whoever was there wasn't responsible for his anger right now.

When he lifted his head, he completely forget it anyway.

For he looked into the red face of Leo, who stood there a bit perplexed with snow covering his hair and a questioning look, just as though he was wondering whether he disturbed them just now.

"What the hell, Leo?" Carmen asked flabbergasted.

"Is it inconvenient?" Leo asked shyly. "Max and me had a fight…sort of…and…"

But Carmen shook his head quickly, gesturing Leo to come in.

"No, no, no. I'm sorry…," he said. "Please do come in. I was just confused seeing you again so soon."

"I know, sorry," Leo answered as he passed Carmen, who closed the door again. "It's just that…"

"Big fight?" Carmen asked immediately; a lot softer now. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at his younger friend compassionately.

"Not really," Leo sighed as he got rid of his coat. "He just…can be such a jerk at times. Do you mind if I stay here tonight?"

"You know you're always welcome. But I'm afraid this day got all of them somehow."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, they're not exactly very interactive today, it seems," Carmen raised his eyebrow and nodded in the direction of the kitchen. "But do tell. What happened?"

They walked towards the living room now and Leo told him everything that had happened since the two of them had parted this evening. Every once in a while Carmen would stop and stare at him as though he had to comprehend everything correctly.

"So he did not talk at all?" he asked then. "Like … ignoring you?"

"Yes," Leo nodded, feeling annoyed thinking about it again. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh nothing," Carmen answered while opening the living room door. "It just felt familiar somehow," he mumbled under his breath.

"Yes, well he could at least have asked," Leo continued, following him inside. "I mean I kind of deserve an explanation about why they went, don't you think? Hey guys," he waved at Kevin and Scott who were in conversation too and didn't look up.

Carmen took two glasses out of the bar and filled them with some of Roger's scotch, handing one to Leo who was still talking. He took it gratefully though, which kind of made Carmen smirk. This indeed had been one hell of a day if Leo didn't complain alcohol in the slightest.

"I mean, even if there was more important stuff to do," Leo gestured excitedly now. "Is this how you treat people? Especially since they're supposed to be close…"

"Tell me about it," Carmen jeered and took a sip. "But Leo, I seriously think he didn't mean it."

"How do you know?" Leo asked enraged. "He can take things personally especially after a fight."

"Which happened between Roger and him, right?" Carmen answered.

Leo stopped then and looked at him sincerely. And Carmen stopped mid-sentence and bid his lips. He knew what Leo wanted to say. And if he was honest, he'd been thinking about this as well.

"I cannot remember if we interrupted them somehow as well," Leo spoke then, a little quieter, looking around to make sure Kevin and Scott didn't hear him right now. "He might as well be upset about something I did."

It took Carmen a moment to answer, for he had to admit Leo got a point there. But then he didn't want to upset him any more.

"I know how he can get," he admitted then. "But Leo, seriously. Nothing you do could get to Max to not talk to you just because he's angry. I mean he's always been more the type of shouting every thought right at you, especially when he's pissed."

"But maybe…," Leo thought hard, but nothing really came to his mind to say against that. It was true. Max could be angry and mad and scream all night, but that was exactly the point right? He was always expressing anger like no one else.

"Do you think he'll be back tonight?"

Both of them, Carmen and Leo turned their heads when Kevin's voice sounded through the silence.

He was sitting on the couch, looking as tired as each of them and he looked more than worried to Scott, who only shrugged and didn't answer right away.

Carmen rolled his eyes.

"What is wrong?" Leo asked into the room, now getting this strange vibe the inhabitants cast upon this house too.

"They're acting strange," Carmen answered incidentally. "Strange than usual I mean. Heaven knows, what's peeving them today."

"Maybe," Scott answered then, raising his head.

"What if…," Kevin started but his voice broke.

"You mustn't think that," Scott interrupted him immediately.

"But it is very realistic," Kevin looked like he was about to cry any moment.

Leo raised his eyebrow and looked to Carmen questioningly. He, on the other hand had learned not to wonder anymore and leaned against the wall with one shoulder, his arms crossed. He shrugged at Leo and took another sip from his glass.

"We must try to think positive here," Scott went on. "Roger would lose it if we started to say stuff like this in front of him."

"But Scott," Kevin almost whispered now, looking up. His eyes were filled with tears. "It is very likely they won't make it."

Leo and Carmen raised their heads, looking a lot more serious now.

"Did someone get hurt?" Carmen asked then calmly, while he could witness Leo getting paler by the second. "For heaven's sake, Scott… What has happened?"

But Scott remained silent for a little longer.

Then Leo walked up and placed himself in front of him.

"Scott? Please," he begged, sounding more and more desperate. "Who got hurt? What happened?"

Scott looked up and then sighed.

He lifted himself off of the chair he was sitting on, facing Leo now directly. But there were worries written all over his face as well. It made Leo more than uneasy to see it and he gasped slightly.

"To be quite honest, I don't know what then," he finally answered, but meaning Kevin.

Leo turned and noticed they were fixated on each other.

"What the…," he only managed to say, when Scott started to move.

He walked straight towards Leo and within one step moved through him as though he was only a breeze, which got lost because someone had left open the window. He didn't notice him and walked through Leo's body without flinching even a bit.

Leo wasn't able to move.

He stood there with his eyes teared wide open in complete shock, while he heard Carmen dropping his glass on the floor. The shattering of it was the only sound he heard when he dared to look at Carmen in horror.

But he didn't look any less shocked. Leo swore that moment, he had never seen Carmen being paler, as he stood there also unable to even blink and his mouth wide open while not believing his eyes.

Scott got on the couch next to Kevin meanwhile. He flung his arm around him and tried to comfort his pal who started to sob just that moment.

"I guess if they don't wake up," Scott said. "It'll be Roger and Max to worry about…"

"I still can't believe this," Kevin cried now. "I thought they were dead. You should have seen them… Roger almost fainted."/

"Well, no blame there," Scott tried to calm him down by stroking his back. "But I guess as long as he stays in the hospital, we have nothing to worry. And after all," he swallowed hard now too. "Leo and Carmen are fighters. They don't just die … not because of something like this…"

Leo wanted to scream; to say anything… to make any sound no matter how small, but he didn't notice a thing as everything around him blacked out…

~ to be continued~


	3. Dying

The darkness was there again.

And it felt endless…

He wasn’t sure whether this had been a bad dream or not, but it felt so familiar. So real. When he opened his eyes again, he was staring at a white ceiling. His vision was blurry and everything kept on spinning. 

How very strange. He was sure he must feel dizzy. But he was completely calm inside. Just as though everything around him was moving really fast but he was standing completely still. Well, hardly standing. He figured pretty quickly that he must be lying somewhere or else he probably wouldn’t face the ceiling. 

“Hey.”

Leo turned his head and saw Carmen looking at him with worry written all over his face. He still was pale and looked like he hadn’t slept in days. Leo noticed in surprise when the memory of that weird dream came back to him and he shot up. 

His eyes were fixated on Carmen who backed away a little in surprise but sat there, completely silent now just waiting for whatever was going to to happen. Leo looked around. 

The white rooms of the Debris’ townhouse appeared so cold suddenly. He recognized one of the sofas he’d seen so many times and a white woolen blanket which lay there thrown over his body carefully. 

“Did I fall asleep?” he whispered, still staring at his legs. Why on earth didn’t he feel sleepy still then?

“You passed out,” he heard Carmen answering silently and turned his head again. 

The other man still sat there on the ground, eyeing him anxiously. 

Leo closed his eyes for a second. He supported his arms on his thighs and wiped over his face drearily. 

“I had the strangest dream ever, I’m sorry,” he spoke then and noticed how his voice cracked. It was weird to talk about this, even though he usually knew he could in front of Carmen. 

He didn’t react though, so Leo turned towards him again. He tried to read whatever was going through his mind, but Carmen held his head down and it was hard to interpret anything. Very unlike Carmen indeed. 

“It felt so real” Leo whispered then without really intending to but it just slipped his mouth. He could feel Carmen’s eyes on him though. “So terribly real… Just as though …”

He turned his head slowly once more. 

Their eyes met.

And without moving or really reacting, Leo could tell something was wrong. The way Carmen stared back at him; his whole body language; told him. But somehow he couldn’t make himself stop thinking about this dream. This weird, strange, unbelievable thing his mind had made up. 

And somewhere in that terribly, almost fearful look in Carmen’s eyes, he knew the answer right away. In that horrible way of him not moving a muscle. In that cruel way of staying silent. And that certainty of him not rushing by his side and comforting him as he usually would…  
No, he simply sat there next to the couch and stared at him with this unspeakable horror in his face, looking lost and, strangely enough, just as confused as Leo felt inside. 

Then the door opened in a rather rushed loud bang as it hit the wall in such a power, it almost made the little trinkets and ornaments staying everywhere fall tot he ground and more importantly, it made Leo almost jump up in shock.  
Carmen on the other hand barely lifted his head but followed the bustle only from the corner of his eyes. 

It was Kevin rushing inside and straight past them.  
He grabbed one or two blankets from a pile in the farthest closet and rushed to the little side table next to Leo without even looking at him. 

“What’s wrong?” Leo asked him as he opened the drawer and rummaged about in it but he got no answer. Not even a shrug or a look. 

“Kevin?” Leo repeated, leaning a little more towards him. 

“He can’t hear you” Carmen’s voice cut out all the noise around Leo that moment. 

He gasped and turned towards his friend again. 

“What?”

“None of them can” Carmen went on silently. “They…they don’t even know you’re there.” 

Leo’s eyes widened. He could feel his breath becoming faster again and once more this horrible dizziness kept creeping up his body. It was this horrible moment he knew what was wrong. He knew about what had happened and he remembered the initial shock just once more. 

“It wasn’t a dream” He whispered with almost no sound at all. “This…this happened for real?” 

It took a while for Carmen to react but then he only nodded shortly. 

“But…this isn’t possible” Leo leaned forwards to grab the headrest of the couch. He felt he was close to suffocating as this reality slowly sank in more and more. “How on earth…”

“Something happened” Carmen spoke again. “They spoke about it…”

“Happened to whom?” Leo hardly dared to ask but his gaze froze on Carmen, who took forever to even try to answer this. Ony those fearful eyes following him all the time.

“To… to us apparently” he then whispered back. 

Leo took a deep breath. He shook his head a few times in disbelief and stroked through his hair as if this would help him digest everything. 

“But we’re here” He said then a little louder. “We are here. We… How..”

“I don’t know, Leo” Carmen shook his head too, looking not less clueless. 

Kevin was still running through the room, picking up things every now and then and stowed them away in a bag he’d found somewhere in-between his attempts to carry everything on his shoulders and tripping over his own feet every two steps in this hurry. 

“What is he doing?” Leo asked without really looking at the chubby man passing him again and again.  
“They wanna go somewhere.”

“Where?” 

But just then, as though they’ve actually heard him asking, the voice of Shirley sounded from the hallway outside, making Carmen and Leo as well as Kevin turn around. 

“Kevin, he doesn’t need the whole house there! Come on down, the cab is waiting!” 

“He’s gonna need something” he shouted back at her. “He will stay there a while!”

“It’s a hospital not a vacation, for God’s sake” her voice echoed through the room. 

“Yeah yeah” Kevin pushed the things in his hands in the bag still.  
“The hospital?” Leo’s head turned towards Carmen again. “They’re going there…”

Carmen didn’t answer. 

But Leo took a deep breath and almost threw the blanket away from him as he jumped to his feet. With huge steps he went past Carmen and headed for the door as well, casting a quick look outside.  
“We’ve gotta go there” he said then. “Come on!” 

He sounded almost excited when he stormed outside, not paying attention to Kevin or Carmen anymore. This must be it. The solution to this strange situation. He didn’t know how this had occurred or why they were actually in this state when everything indicated something had happened to them but some small voice inside of him told him that this was where they needed to be. That was where they would find the answer. That was where…

He had just reached the end of the hallway and saw all of them standing there, obviously waiting for Kevin when he noticed he was alone.  
Leo turned once or twice until the realization hit him. Carmen wasn’t right behind him. 

He turned towards them quickly before understanding it really. 

They had to go. They had to follow them. They knew where to go. They unknowingly could help them find…whatever they were in need of right now. But…

He turned again and hurried back to that room, finding Carmen still on the ground; his back turned toward him and his face buried in his arms which were slung around his legs. 

“Come on,” Leo repeated. “We have to follow them.”

But Carmen didn’t even react. He didn’t move a bit. 

Whatever was happening here right now, Leo knew this was not the way it was supposed to be. Something was wrong. Something other still than this unbelievable thing they found themselves in here. Carmen never was quiet. He never hardly reacted or did not tried to fix things. Carmen did not just sit there without moving. This just was not normal. 

“Carmen?” He asked hesitantly and stepped closer very carefully. “What is it?” 

He could see the man in front of him raising his head very slowly. He didn’t turn though. 

“I can’t” he whispered back after what felt like an eternity. 

“What?” Leo stepped closer still. “Come on, don’t do this. They can bring us there. They know what happened. We can set this right, I know it!” 

“I CAN’T!” Carmen whirled around and was on his feet without a warning and it was so quick, Leo backed away a little in surprise, immediately holding his hands up as the shock mirrored itself clearly visible in his face.  
Carmen seemed to notice then and without hesitation stepped back a few steps too. His voice became much quieter aright away and he averted his eyes once more. 

“I can’t go there, Leo” He whispered. “I just can’t!” 

“Why not?” Leo didn’t understand. “Listen, we’re obviously still here, right? Which means we …I mean our other selves or whatever must also be there. It’s not like we’ve died or something. We can’t have. I mean…We wouldn’t be here if we had, would we?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“It’s only logical,” Leo went on, trying his very best to sound convincing. 

“How do you know what’s logical?” Carmen raised his head again, now looking at him sincerely. “This here…isn’t! This is in fact against everything that would be logical. And it just can’t be real… So, don’t start with logic…”

“But…” Leo turned his head around again in a hurry, checking if they were still standing in the hallway. Time was running fast. He could feel it. They had to hurry. He couldn’t even explain himself why this was so important to him, but he could sense it in every fibre of his being. They had to go there. He just had to do something. 

A quick gaze at Kevin told him he was almost ready to sprint after them too. 

“Listen,” he started against trying to collect himself. “I know this is …unbelievable and not possible and … and hard to grasp…Hell, I didn’t know what this was even if I tried… But it is what it is. We are somehow….stuck or something… in-between something neither of us can really get right now… But Carmen, please… We are still somewhere. We are still alive… We simply MUST do something. Anything!” 

With each word he started to sound more desperate and much to his surprise it felt like he was begging for his life right now. He could feel tears dwelling in his eyes as he kept on staring at his friend, who did not move still but looked as miserable as he felt himself. 

“Please,” Leo repeated. “Please, don’t let me beg. This is not a dream! You can’t just sit it out and wake up from this… We’re still here! WE ARE STILL ALIVE!” 

“So we could very well die too,” Carmen answered finally, almost biting his lips as he looked Leo straight in the face. He was close to tears as well, as Leo noticed that moment. 

It was strange. Unusual.  
And that dreaded silence was there again. 

“But we…” Leo only managed to whisper; his body stiff and his eyes fixated on the man in front of him. “We need…”

“I can’t do this,” Carmen shook his head again, swallowing everything he was obviously going through right now as he looked away from Leo. “I cannot… I cannot bear seeing this.”

“Why?” Leo asked back. “Why do you wanna give up? Why do you take this here instead? We could find out what happened… We could…”

“Why are you so keen on this?” Carmen asked in return. “How can you cope with this situation just like that? You? Of all people? How can you accept this so easily?” 

Leo thought about this for a second and then shrugged. 

“I guess I am used to it” he answered then. It was the only thing he could do right now. Being honest about it. 

“Does this not shock you?” Carmen asked, looking even more lost. 

It did. A lot if he was honest. So Leo nodded. 

“It does. But…” he didn’t quite know how to explain it. “I had been on the edge of death some times before. And I can’t say it shocks me so much anymore…” 

“Did it feel like this when…when you’ve been hit too?” Carmen whispered back, obviously remembering things from their past none of them liked to speak about. 

Leo shook his head quickly, knowing what he was referring to. “I don’t remember… When I woke up, I was still there.”

“So how can you want to go on now?” 

“Because the circumstance is the same,” Leo spoke determinedly. “We are still there!” 

Carmen looked back at him before sighing. He let his hands fall then and closed his eyes.

“Why are you acting like this?” Leo asked then, noticing the fight insight his friend’s head immediately. “Why would you prefer to stay here than trying to set this right? Why… When have we changed roles?” 

“Cause this is all I have. And the other is the one thing I’ve tried to avoid my whole life,” carmen answered then almost not audible. 

“What?” Leo gasped. 

“You said you were at this point before… It was different for me though. I’ve tried to stay alive my whole life. Tried so hard to live,” Carmen opened his eyes again and Leo could see tears falling down his cheeks now. “I’ve lost my home, my name, my friends…people I loved for this purpose alone…to live.”

Leo held his breath. This was something he’d never considered before. Ever since he’d first learned about Carmen’s past he had been horrified but only now really noticed how much this still haunted his friend til this day. And even though it was hard to understand, for him at least, he noticed this enormous wave of sympathy crashing over him. 

“Listen,” he said then, stepping forward and taking Carmen’s hand in his own, earning a surprised look from the other man. “I know this must be hard. Believe me, i do.”

“Then please don’t make me do this” Carmen answered silently. “I…”

“Carmen, what about Roger?” Leo added quickly and sort of as a last resort. “He will be shattered. Do you wanna give up on him too?” 

For a moment Carmen looked at him as if he was made of glass. His stare went right through and it seemed almost as if he seriously had to think about it; as if he was weighing up his options. 

“Roger?” he asked then. 

Leo grabbed his shoulders as if shaking him would make his doubts or whatever this was right now go away. He stopped in his movement though as Carmen looked up and he was just staring into his eyes that moment. It was just as though he was questioning his own senses as well.  
Carmen wasn’t considering his options…

“You do remember Roger?” Leo gasped, not really believing this suspicion. “Don’t you?” 

Carmen kept on staring at him for a couple of seconds, before he closed his eyes and shook everything away from him though. 

“Of course, I do” he answered then and his usual self returned in the way he looked back at Leo. “But he isn’t here. He is… he probably thinks there’s nothing left but hoping… And …”

“And you want to leave him alone in this?” Leo asked. He didn’t believe this. “Are you so scared that you forget about him being alone there? Being probably worried sick?”

Carmen inhaled sharply. And then his gaze wandered away from Leo. He could tell it all came back to him right now. All these years and everything they’ve been through together up until this point. And probably also every hope he’s ever put in Roger; every last bit he loved about him and everything he was about to risk right now. 

“Carmen, please” Leo felt how he wasn’t able to hold back now. He knew he’d lost this battle with himself as he felt tears streaming down his own cheeks too. “Please, what about Roger? And Max? I cannot do this to him. I… Please, don’t let me be one of those. Please don’t make me go through this too…”

It was then that Carmen flinched slightly and turned towards Leo again. And just as if having been shaken awake, he nodded once. 

“Thank you” Leo whispered, while not knowing whether to smile or cry that moment. 

So, once more he took Carmen’s hand and they both hurried towards the front door where the roommates were just about to leave the house…

One thing stuck with Leo though… One thing he couldn’t shake as much as he tried to focus on what was important right now:

That small moment… He was certain he hadn’t mistaken it, but after Carmen’s reaction he wasn’t so sure anymore… Had he really forgotten about Roger? 

It was something which scared him more than anything if he was being honest…

~**~

The long corridors seemed empty and dark. 

Their footsteps echoed back at them from the walls.

Their breaths were louder than anything else they heard. Or maybe it was just that it was the only noise they were really able to focus on. And thinking about it a little more, Leo wasn’t even sure if it actually was their breaths he heard or simply those of the team. Did they even have breaths left? Did they make sounds walking still? He couldn’t really say…

Of course, Carmen had been right. They didn’t notice them at all. They didn’t talk to them and even if it sometimes seemed like they were looking at them, he realized quickly they weren’t. 

If they were caught somewhere between life and death though…what exactly did it make them then? A question which kept torturing him the more it ran through his head. 

What are we?

They followed the others through the huge building and through endless elevators and doors. Had hospitals always been this big? Or did he just lose orientation because he had never been here before? 

But finally they reached a gray cold door and stopped. While Kevin, Shirley, Brian and Scott knocked once and entered, Leo suddenly felt he couldn’t walk inside just like that. And turning around he knew immediately Carmen felt the same way. They simply stood there as the door flung shut again and tried to calm their shivering selves. 

Leo suddenly felt not so certain about going inside anymore. 

Strange. 

He had been so determined back at the townhouse. Had felt so certain this was where they had to go. But now, it didn’t arouse any feeling whatsoever. If at all he felt numb. 

“Are you sure about this?” he heard Carmen next to him. 

He was standing there, with a straight face, just facing the door and not moving a bit. He was still thinking this was wrong. Leo could tell. But still, he was here with him. He had been able to swallow his fears that moment and came here. For Leo. For Roger. For everything they had been and maybe still could be…

So why fear?

Leo nodded once and again took Carmens hand. 

They looked at each other for another couple of seconds, before taking a deep breath and then finally entering that cursed room. 

They couldn’t see much at first. 

Everything was kept kind of dark. The blinds were shut and the lights turned off. No sounds were to be heard at all. Only this annoying beeping of some devices standing everywhere around them. And it smelled horribly like hospital chemicals and sterile things… A smell Leo would probably never forget.

They looked around. 

The roommates were standing close to the beds which were covered in blue synthetic looking drapes. None of them said a word. they kept staring into the corner next to them.  
Leo and Carmen had to get a little closer though to really see what it was that caught their attention. 

And then they saw Roger.

He sat there on an uncomfortable looking chair, looking horrible. His hair was tousled and he wore a stubble none of them had ever seen on him. Dark bags let his eyes seem even more tired than they probably were and swollen somehow and he barely looked up as they addressed him finally. 

“You really should rest” Kevin explained while putting the bag with things he brought next to Roger and carefully opened it to take out a woolen blanket. He wrapped it around him in only a second and still looked at him with worried eyes. “It is not healthy what you’re doing!”

“I don’t care” Roger answered and Leo was immediately taken aback at how rough and hoarse his voice sounded. So very unlike the Roger he remembered that it was almost scary. 

“You won’t help him if you’re killing yourself trying,” Brian interfered, but immediately earned not only the angry looks of those standing around him but also a very painful punch from Shirley. “Ouch!” 

“Idiot!” She hissed back at him. 

Roger didn’t really react though. His eyes rested on Brian for a moment and then slowly wandered to the bed in front of him again. He looked worn out and tired indeed. But knowing how stubborn he could be, Leo as well as Carmen knew he wouldn’t even consider doing anything they suggested right now. Not when…

Leo swallowed hard. 

He was still standing a few feet away from them with Carmen right beside him. None of them dared to get any closer. Because it meant getting to see things they couldn’t until now. It meant learning the truth. It meant facing the inevitable.  
Leo only then dared to slightly turn his head to look up at Carmen. 

He didn’t seem to be afraid of what was there hidden behind the drapes. No, his eyes rested on Roger in that corner. And Leo could hardly recall ever having seen him looking more heartbreaking than right now. 

There was so much worry in him right now and even though he didn’t move, he knew perfectly well every last thought he had right now was about Roger. About the way he looked. About what he obviously did there to himself. 

And without a word, he suddenly moved. 

“Wait” Leo tried to grab him but Carmen was much faster. So all he could do was following him, trying to hold him back from doing whatever he was about to do. But Carmen simply marched forward. Past Shirley and Brian. Past Scott who sat on the edge of that bed and past Kevin, who just now turned his back to Roger and continued to put the things he brought away.  
He didn’t look at them or at anything in the room. He didn’t even look at whatever was happening next to him; who it was they were guarding there. 

Carmen only stopped again when he was only inches away from Roger. 

Leo wanted to say something, but didn’t even got to open his mouth when Carmen raised his hand and slapped Roger across the face as hard as he could.

“CARMEN!” Leo jumped after him and tried to hold him back, but only then noticed he hadn’t done anything to Roger. Apparently he wasn’t able to touch him anymore…A fact Carmen noticed then too. He stood there in front of him with his hands held in shivering fists at his side and his eyes closed tightly. Tears were streaming down his face though. 

“Carmen?” Leo managed to whisper, but the very next moment almost jumped back as Carmen finally exploded right in front of him.  
“YOU UNBELIEVABLE IDIOT!” he screamed at Roger, trying to grab him by the shirt but didn’t succeed. He couldn’t even manage to properly express his anger being whatever he was right there. Instead he stemmed himself on the armrest of that chair, trying to be closer to his face. It almost seemed as though he believed the older man could hear him better then. “HOW DARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOU? HOW DARE YOU LET ME SEE THIS??? HOW….,” he sunk to his knees then, sobbing hardly before managing to look up at Roger again. “You’ve promised never to do anything like this again… You promised. To never scare me like this again… You asshole!” 

“God, Carmen,” Leo held his breath watching this. 

But Carmen now only held his body upright by pressing his arms to the ground. He had his face almost pressed between them and it was plain to hear he was crying. Leo bit his lips.  
How on earth could this be? This was about them, wasn’t it? About how they were somehow not themselves; not dead but not really alive either. About finding a way to change this.  
How could Carmen worry more about Roger then? And more importantly: Why couldn’t he feel something as close to this empathy as well? Was this the difference Carmen told him about? This wanting to live no matter what for the people he loved? 

Leo let his head sink. 

Was he really so used to this feeling of being close to giving up that he cared more about fixing things than what someone else was feeling about them? 

He heard this horrible beeping sound of the medical devices again and looked up.  
None of the others said a word. None of them reacted. None of them heard Carmen there on the ground; or felt guilty in any way. Roger didn’t move a bit but continued to look as horrible as he did.  
What kind of horrendous torture was all of this? 

Leo turned his head slowly and finally looked at what it was, they were worrying about so much here. 

And within a second he almost felt sick. His eyes grew to a new dimension and he swore he grew even paler than he probably was anyway. 

He didn’t even know what to say. Or what to feel. 

“Oh my God,” he managed to whisper while stepping back and almost bumping into the chair of Roger. 

It made Carmen look up finally and even though his sight was still blurry, he noticed Leo’s shocked face. 

“What?” he mouthed, but Leo only managed to point at the beds in front of him. 

So slowly Carmen got to his feet and even though he was still shaky he turned around as well. 

Leo heard him gasp for a slight second but as much as he wanted he couldn’t turn his gaze anywhere else but there. this just couldn’t be true. and yet it was.

They saw themselves lying there in front of them, covered in place blue hospital blankets, lying silent as the night and facing the ceiling. Both of them had their eyes closed and were respirated through those transparent masks both of them knew from every clicheed hospital story they’d ever heard. They didn’t move. They didn’t react to anything. And they were attached to thousands of medical gadgets; all clicking and beeping through this cursed silence. There were cuts and bruises clearly visible on their arms and in their faces which made them look so very unlike themselves, that it was hardly believable to them. 

“This…is…” Leo whispered, but immediately covered his mouth with his hands. His eyes immediately filled with tears seeing them in front of him. “Us…”

“It is true then,” Carmen whispered; staring at this picture as well and sounding like he was totally zoomed out right now. “Oh my God… oh my god…” 

He sunk to his knees again, not able to hold himself anymore, but still he stared straight ahead. He wasn’t able to look anywhere else. 

“We’re … as good as gone” he whispered then, causing Leo to whirl around in shock. 

“What are you saying?” He whispered back, sounding almost blaming. “You must not speak this way. You must never even think this!” 

“Leo, look at this,” Carmen stretched out his hand, pointing at them without looking at Leo really. “How on earth is this possible? Whatever happened to them… to…to us… How are we supposed to do anything?” 

“Carmen, don’t!” 

“We’re done,” he went on. “We’re gonna die… If we’re not close to dying already…” 

“Stop it!” 

Leo now almost screamed at him and finally Carmen stopped, looking up at him without really realizing he was there.  
Leo noticed though how loud he had been just now. He quickly covered his mouth with his hands. He knew why Carmen reacted this way right now. This was what he had been dreading. This was what he had been scared about. He’d told him. And he could tell his friend was in complete shock with the whole situation for the first time. He’d never seen Carmen like this. And all of a sudden he felt bad. Even worse than before. He had kind of forced him to come here, although he knew. He had made him see this. He was responsible for him seeing Roger in a way that probably hurt him even more than facing his greatest fear. 

“This…,” Leo pointed at them again while yelling the words at Carmen again. “Is not done. It’s not dead! It’s still a chance, Goddamnit! Don’t you see? They’re all here for you. They worry so much… How can you even say there is nothing we could do; nothing we’re supposed to do when you’ve got friends like them coming here for you?”

“Leo…”

“No…” He started to cry now too. “This is why we need to try!” He pointed at their friends next to them, all looking worried beyond reason. “This is why… why you can’t give up like that! Why you never ever must say something like this again! You understand?!” 

“Leo…,” Carmen whispered back. 

But Leo only shook his head and turned around. He couldn’t grasp it. None of this. And worst of all he couldn’t bear seeing them. Seeing himself. And noticing for the first time really… 

Roger was worrying sick. So much, he completely forgot to take care of himself anymore. Kevin, Shirley, Brian and Scott dropped everything to get here and try to comfort them by just being there. 

And Max… 

He wasn’t even anywhere close. 

For the first time Leo realized this. For what it was. For what he had been dreading all along. 

He was alone. 

The one person he needed more than anything wasn’t anywhere near. He didn’t sit there next to him. He didn’t worry to a point where it became unhealthy. 

And this moment of realization made him stop in the hallway of that empty, foreign and cold hospital. He was leaning against a wall with his forehead touching the cold concrete and his eyes wide teared up. He was breathing heavily while those damn tears just wouldn’t stop coming. 

He was alone. Alone. Alone…

What was he thinking anyway? Was he expecting something different? Was he actually thinking about the one he loved being there to guard his lifeless body? 

Leo closed his eyes, swallowing hard. 

Nothing changed. Nothing ever had. He thought he had moved past those feelings of ending it being normal. He had started to believe he was more to someone. Important to that person. Loved back the same way… Wanted… But…

Max. Was Not. There! 

He felt a hand on his shoulder then and whirled around in surprise, gasping loudly. 

Carmen just stared back at him and without hesitation, Leo fell into his arms and started to sob uncontrollably. Carmen on the other hand only flung his arms around him, stroking his back gently. and then they waited. Waited for this wave of sadness to pass them. Waited for something to happen. Or something to come and explain everything they needed to now right now. But nothing came…

No one explained anything.  
“It’s okay,” Carmen said after an eternity. “Calm down!”

“He’s not here,” Leo sobbed still, sounding muffled as he pressed his face against his friends chest. “He is…”

“I know,” Carmen whispered back. “I know…”

~To be continued~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting more serious now... 
> 
> I hope it is still exciting a bit, since this is the first time I'm trying to go on a little different path... Let me know what you think :)


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